Sometimes its nice to see days go by quickly. But it makes me think of whether time is so fast, or I have been moving so slow. Ever since I got sick, I see my day pass by very quickly. Or maybe because I have been sleeping too much because of tiredness (taking a bath, brushing my teeth, walking on the stairs can be really tiring) Believe me, it does. Its hard to explain to someone who doesn't have lupus. How I wish I could talk to someone who is also sick like me.
Now I have the common colds and I'm just afraid I'd infect my husband. I don't want him to get sick. Not that lupus is contagious but the infections due to my vulnerability is.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Basketball Night
My former boyfriend, who is now my husband, used to always tag me along whenever he has a basketball game. He used to play seriously back in college and high school but now he just play for fun. A breather from his office life. Whenever he tags me along, I would wear my rubber shoes too and shoot hoops during their half time or break.
I haven't stepped in a basketball court since I was diagnosed, so that's for 2 and a half years now. But last Wednesday night, June 15, he tagged me along again.
I was very excited because I like playing and shooting basketball. This time we were with our fish club. So during their warm ups and half time, I was running, dribbling and trying to shoot some baskets. I really had a blast and it felt so liberating. But then I forgot one thing. This time around, i have lupus.
That night, my feet hurts awfully. I said maybe when I woke up the pain will be gone. So the following morning I awoke and the same intensity of pain is still throbbing at both my feet. I tried to get up and there they were, my two feet, staring back at me, swollen and painful.
So much for pretending things were the same as before. Its gonna be no longer the same unless they find a real cure for SLE.
I haven't stepped in a basketball court since I was diagnosed, so that's for 2 and a half years now. But last Wednesday night, June 15, he tagged me along again.
I was very excited because I like playing and shooting basketball. This time we were with our fish club. So during their warm ups and half time, I was running, dribbling and trying to shoot some baskets. I really had a blast and it felt so liberating. But then I forgot one thing. This time around, i have lupus.
That night, my feet hurts awfully. I said maybe when I woke up the pain will be gone. So the following morning I awoke and the same intensity of pain is still throbbing at both my feet. I tried to get up and there they were, my two feet, staring back at me, swollen and painful.
So much for pretending things were the same as before. Its gonna be no longer the same unless they find a real cure for SLE.
Friday, June 10, 2011
How do I begin to write again?
So today, what it is that I want to talk about?
It's been several months and alas, half of the year is already over. I can't believe that from this month forward, time will just go by pretty fast (due to holidays in the ber months) Next time you know, its 2012. Another year has passed, or should I say, is wasted?
I always feel guilty of not being able to do anything significant or productive. I may be being very hard on myself, but you see, I used to be an over achiever. I love being busy. I maintained a scholarship for 8 years. After which I started working, and earning and loving my life when suddenly fate told me to slow down by giving me a very restricting disease. It sucks.
Every morning I wake up. Look at social networking sites and see the lives of my friends pass by.
I have been married for three years, but I still do not have a baby because I simply must weather lupus or else it will just result to miscarriage and unnecessary financial spending.
So what does a sick housewife do everyday?
I wake up, prepare my husband for work, fix the bed. And basically stay home all day everyday. Its me, the room, the bed, the tv. Everyday. Occasionally I would go out. But everyday is the same.
I try to keep myself busy with my husband's aquariums. I clean it all the time. They somehow give me a sense of purpose. Like I am needed. I want to feel needed every time I feel useless. I feel useless most of the time. Or maybe its because I am living on the standard of normal people. I need to set up my own standard of success, because my life is beyond what is usual from healthy people. I am different now. It's a fact that I must accept.
It's been several months and alas, half of the year is already over. I can't believe that from this month forward, time will just go by pretty fast (due to holidays in the ber months) Next time you know, its 2012. Another year has passed, or should I say, is wasted?
I always feel guilty of not being able to do anything significant or productive. I may be being very hard on myself, but you see, I used to be an over achiever. I love being busy. I maintained a scholarship for 8 years. After which I started working, and earning and loving my life when suddenly fate told me to slow down by giving me a very restricting disease. It sucks.
Every morning I wake up. Look at social networking sites and see the lives of my friends pass by.
I have been married for three years, but I still do not have a baby because I simply must weather lupus or else it will just result to miscarriage and unnecessary financial spending.
So what does a sick housewife do everyday?
I wake up, prepare my husband for work, fix the bed. And basically stay home all day everyday. Its me, the room, the bed, the tv. Everyday. Occasionally I would go out. But everyday is the same.
I try to keep myself busy with my husband's aquariums. I clean it all the time. They somehow give me a sense of purpose. Like I am needed. I want to feel needed every time I feel useless. I feel useless most of the time. Or maybe its because I am living on the standard of normal people. I need to set up my own standard of success, because my life is beyond what is usual from healthy people. I am different now. It's a fact that I must accept.
Finally I got the energy to write again
It has been terribly long, and so many ideas have slipped off my mind already. This amount of forgetfulness and fatigue can be just overwhelming. I have told myself time and again that, today, I am gonna write. Several months have passed before I really was able to finally do this writing.
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